


The One Thing Donald doesn’t regret

by Badly_Written



Series: The unluckiest Duck in the world [1]
Category: Ducktales 2017
Genre: But they also understand completely, Donald was a crazy teen, Gladstone was always part of Donald’s craziness, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I don’t know why I wrote this, John Mulaney is a legend, Louie deserves to laugh forever, Please don’t take it seriously, The triplets are confused, this is a crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-12-27 00:55:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18293582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Badly_Written/pseuds/Badly_Written
Summary: Based off of John Mulaney’s: The One Thing you cant replace. Also I love the concept of Donald being a wild and crazy teen and Gladstone totally being on board with his Shenanigans. Also the triplets seem a little older than the 10 they are in the series, so they’re 12 here.





	The One Thing Donald doesn’t regret

“Please?” 

“No.”

“Come on.”

“No.” 

“For me?”

“Absolutely not.” 

Donald set his coffee cup down on the table, and glared at his cousin. He was in no mood for Gladstone’s shenanigans. 

Gladstone leaned against the kitchen counter with an exasperated look on his face. “Why not? It’s a funny story.” 

Donald sighed. “I would rather keep the story between the four of us.” 

Gladstone crossed his arms. “Come on Don. Don’t the boys deserve to know the wild high school you?” 

Donald smiled. “You know what.” He paused.

Gladstone grinned. 

“No, they don’t.” 

Gladstone let out a frustrated groan. “Seriously?!” 

“What’s going on?” A young and sleep filled voice caused the two men to turn their heads. Louie stood in the doorway of the kitchen. A tired yawn escaping his mouth. 

Gladstone spoke up first. “I’m just trying to get your uncle Donald here to tell you and your brothers a story of how he singled handedly got a group of high schoolers to curse the law.” 

Donald groaned and smacked his head on the table. 

Louie’s eyes widened. “He did what?!” 

“Yeah, it’s a wild story.” Gladstone smirked at his slightly older cousin. “Too bad he won’t tell you guys.” 

“Uncle Donald, you gotta at least tell me the story.” 

“What story?” 

“Morning Uncle Donald And Uncle Gladstone.” 

Donald looked up to see that Dewey and Huey had joined their brother in the doorway. He sighed. There was no way around it now. “You win this time Glad.” 

“And I will cherish this win forever.” 

Donald rolled his eyes. “Come sit down boys.” 

The triplets shared a look and sat down in front of Donald. Gladstone sat beside him. 

“I’m going to tell you a story from one of my high school days. This story is NOT to leave the mansion. Do you understand?” 

The triplets nodded. “Yes Uncle Donald.”

“Good.” 

Donald mentally prepared himself for the train wreck he was about to relive. “Okay, when I was in highschool there was a teacher named Mr. Mcnafeatha. He had a son that went to our school. His name was Jake Mcnafeatha. He was a year younger than us. We were juniors and he was a sophomore. Jake was okay, but Mr. Mcnafeatha was an asshole.” 

“Language Donny.” 

“Shut up.” Donald sent a glare towards his cousin. “Anyway, one weekend he and his wife decided to leave town. Which is not a thing you do when you’re an asshole. Remember that kids.” 

Dewey snorted. 

“So, naturally, Jake threw a party when his parents left. The whole town heard about it. So, me, your mom, Gladstone, and Feathry got together and we were like: let’s go there and destroy the place.” 

Gladstone laughed. “Actually, it was your Uncle Donald who suggested we destroy the place. We just got dragged along for the ride.” 

Huey gasped. “Uncle Donald! Were you aware of all the things that could have gone wrong? The consequences if the teacher found out?” 

Donald snorted. “Huey, I was 17. I didn’t think about the repercussions until they happened.” 

Gladstone laughed. “Which is what this story is about. Keep going Don.” 

“Okay Okay, don’t rush me. So, the four of us arrive at the party. Everyone I ever knew was there. Even Gyro and launchpad.” 

”Yeah, I didn’t even know he went to our school.” 

”I still think he just appeared out of nowhere. It’s his thing.” Donald shrugged. “So, where was I? Oh yeah, we walk in and everyone was drinking like it was the end of the Civil War. Like a Doctor was coming to saw all of our legs off.” 

Gladstone nodded. “We were like dogs without horses. We were running wild.”

“Yeah, so I walk down into the basement. There was a pool table in the far corner. Gladstone takes a running start and THROWS his body on the pool table, breaking it in half.” Donald stopped to laugh at the memory. 

Gladstone could only sheepishly smile as the triplets joined in the laughter at the thought of the man body slamming a pool table. 

“Fethry found out which room was Mr. Mcnafeatha’s and took a shit on his computer.” Gladstone could barely finish his sentence before he fell into a wheezing fit. 

Louie smiled. “Wow, you guys were insane.” 

Gladstone composed himself. “That’s not even the craziest part. Tell ‘em Donny.” 

“Yeah, so the party was going great. I’m standing the basement, holding a red cup-“ 

”Like the ones you see in the movies.”

I’m holding a red cup and I’m starting to black out and I hear Della go: something, something police. And in a moment of horrible word association I yell: FUCK DA POLICE.” He stopped to laugh. “FUCK DA POLICE.” 

Dewey lost it. “You what?!” 

Huey buried his face in his arms. His cheeks were red with laughter. “Uncle Donald, why?” 

Louie had long since fell out his chair and was now rolling on the floor. 

“That’s not even the end of it.” Gladstone was grinning. “Everyone else joined in!”

“A hundred young ducks yelling Fuck. Da. Police. With the confidence of people who already went to jail and aren’t afraid of it anymore.” 

“Yeah like, I served my nickel, you come and take me. Type of confidence.” 

“The reason why Della has said something something police was because the police were there. A Duckburg policeman came into the basement to see a sea of teenage ducks yelling FUCK DA POLICE. In. His. Face.”

“Well Don, to be fair, you, me, Fethry, and Gyro were the ones yelling towards his direction. Everyone else just followed.” 

Donald ignored his remark. “The policeman was almost impressed. He was like: woooow. Then, he leaned into his walkie talkie and said: yeah, I’m gonna need a paddy wagon.” 

“And it was at this moment that Della grabbed an empty forty out of somebody’s hands, slammed it on the floor and yelled SCATTER!” Gladstone coughed to hide his wheezing. 

“Everyone ran in different directions. It was like the hunger games when the canon sounded and everyone ran in different directions. I ran into the laundry room, jumped up on the washing machine, climbed through the window and ran through the backyard. There was this giant chain link fence in front of me. The last thing I remember is thinking: I’ve never climbed a fence that high before, and then I woke up at home.” 

The triplets were wheezing and their faces were red by the end of the story. Huey was the first to compose himself. “Uncle Donald, that was crazy!”

Louie stood up and nodded. “Yeah, I can’t believe you did something like that.” 

Dewey picked himself up off the floor. “That was amazing. Do you have anymore crazy stories?” 

The three 12 year olds looked at him with hopeful eyes. Donald couldn’t help but smile. “Well, I do have a few..”


End file.
